My expectations were low. I had never heard of Darren Shan’s series books (a twelve-book franchise that began in 2000) that this film was based off of, and I was confused and on the verge of crying over the casting of John C. Reilly as a vampire. Worse still, Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant had this sleazy sense of studio greed oozing about it. Some jokers at an indie studio managed to make a mint by adapting Stephanie Meyer’s nauseating teen-fave novel, Twilight (which came out in 2005), into an equally nauseating teen-fave movie. Nevermind the fact that said jokers (including Meyer) effectively managed to ruin the how vampires were portrayed in both literature and motion pictures in the process — they still made some mad money, dammit! And so, the big studios were on the lookout for something that they could make some mad money off of.
Archive for February, 2010
*Blu-ray Review* Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant
Posted: 23 February, 2010 in Movies/TVTags: adaptation, Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant, Comedy, Darren Shan, Horror, John C. Reilly, Orlando Jones, Salma Hayek, teen, Willem Dafoe
*DVD Review* Cinematic Titanic Live: The Alien Factor
Posted: 23 February, 2010 in Event, Movies/TVTags: ‘70s, bad, Cinematic Titanic, Don Dohler, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Science Fiction, The Alien Factor
The lights in the auditorium fade. A large, boxy white dot — the product of primitive late 1970’s video technology — appears on screen, prompting J. Elvis Weinstein to quip, “In the beginning, there was Pong.” And thus begins the second Cinematic Titanic Live, the latest release in Joel Hodgson’s MST3k riffing offshoot. The main course at this roast is The Alien Factor, an extremely amateurish 1978 science fiction movie from Baltimore’s famed Do-It-Yourself filmmaker, Don Dohler.
*Blu-ray Review* Couples Retreat
Posted: 18 February, 2010 in Movies/TVTags: Comedy, Couples Retreat, Drama, Jason Bateman, Jean Reno, Jon Favreau, romance, Vince Vaughn
Most modern comedies are like a trendy and overpriced tourist trap. They suck you in, promising the time of your life, and instead leave you with the feeling that you’ve wasted too much money on said time. Couples Retreat however, actually delivered what it promised: a few laughs, beautiful scenery, and a good time all around — without that hollow “I just wasted two hours of my existence” feeling afterward. Star Vince Vaughn also produced and co-wrote the film, and heads off a suitably-cast combination of talented comedians including Jon Favreau (another co-writer), and Jason Bateman.
*Blu-ray Review* Black Dynamite
Posted: 17 February, 2010 in Movies/TVTags: Action, Black Dynamite, blaxploitation, Comedy, homage, Michael Jai White, satire, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
After a good twenty years of being subjected to unfunny spoofs (usually bearing a Wayans brother in the cast or crew) that specifically target modern mainstream movies that will be forgotten in another two decades, it’s nice to see filmmakers revisiting an older genre that has survived the test of time. Case in point: Black Dynamite, a wild send-up to the classic blaxploitation films of the ‘70s, co-written and starring Michael Jai White.
*DVD Review* Vega$: Season One, Volume 2
Posted: 17 February, 2010 in TVTags: Action, ‘70s, Michael Mann, Robert Urich, TV, Vegas: Season One, Volume 2
I’m a fan of classic TV shows as it is, but seeing a pre-surveillance camera Las Vegas without a slew of Crime Scene Investigators parading about is cause indeed for celebration. And the party is now ready to commence with Vega$: Season One, Volume 2. Created by Heat director Michael Mann, Vega$ brings us the weekly adventures of Dan Tanna (Robert Urich), the best-dressed (and probably best-looking) detective in the Las Vegas, and private contractor for the Desert Inn Casino & Hotel.
*DVD Review* Cannon: Season Two, Volume 2
Posted: 17 February, 2010 in TVTags: Action, ‘70s, Cannon: Season Two Volume 2, fatsploitation, TV, William Conrad
It’s time for another dosage of ‘70s television fatsploitation as William Conrad returns to DVD in Cannon: Season Two, Volume 2, the adventures of an overweight Los Angeles private detective who cruises in a gigantic Lincoln Continental Mark IV (complete with car phone — which was mighty fancy for 1973). Det. Frank Cannon (Conrad) has more on his plate than he you’d think he could put away in this half-season, with exploits ranging from kidnapping to smuggling and, of course, murder. But, no matter how tense the situation gets in this classic Quinn Martin production, you can always rest assured that the wise Frank Cannon will get to the bottom of things. Among the guest stars featured in this set are Beverly Garland, David Soul, Sondra Locke, Tim O’Connor (the American TV version of James Mason), David Hedison, and more.
*PS3 Review* Army Of Two: The 40th Day
Posted: 12 February, 2010 in GameTags: Army Of Two: The 40th Day, EA Montreal, PS3, shooter, video game
Get ready for a lot of explosions, shootings, and dialogue that can stunt the growth of a weed with Army Of Two: The 40th Day. This game follows the mercenary exploits of Salem and Rios, two beefed-up “private contractors” at work in the Far East. Sent in to execute a fairly routine contract, the boys get the shock of their lives as the entire city of Shanghai is suddenly decimated before them (and us — which looks kinda cool). Buildings are brought down via multiple explosions. Planes fall from the skies above (and into the buildings, too). People die en masse. Yes, Chicken Little, the sky really is falling!
*DVD Review* Legends Of Laughter: Abbott & Costello
Posted: 11 February, 2010 in Movies/TV, TVTags: Bud and Lou, Classic, Comedy, Legends of Laughter: Abbott & Costello, public domain, radio, television
The timeless comedy of Bud Abbott & Lou Costello has been delighting one generation after another for 70+ years. With the advent of the VHS boom in the ‘80s, a handful of Bud and Lou’s licensed comedies made their way to home video, while many no-name companies sought to make a buck or two by releasing some public domain films and TV appearances. Twenty-some-odd years later, public domain compilations are still being distributed by one label after another. Hollywood Select Video is the latest group to do so.
*Blu-ray Review* Cheaper By The Dozen 2
Posted: 11 February, 2010 in Movies/TVTags: Bonnie Hunt, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, Comedy, Eugene Levy, family, Fox Home Entertainment, Hilary Duff, Steve Martin, Tom Welling
Despite his mad comedic and musical skills, Steve Martin seems to have a habit of making “bad” movies. Many of his earlier works (i.e. The Jerk) received more than their fair share of negative reviews upon release. And, while those films are now being hailed as comedy classics, the future of his more-recent works aren’t looking so optimistic. One such example is the Cheaper By The Dozen series. The first film was lukewarm at best (frankly, I only watched it because I wanted to see Tom Welling do something other than his Clark Kent bit). I didn’t even know that a second film came out, so this Blu-ray presentation was my first experience with it.
*Music Review* Tiësto – Kaleidoscope [Album]
Posted: 11 February, 2010 in MusicTags: album, CD, DJ, Kaleidoscope, Nelly Furtado, Tegan & Sara, Tiësto, trance
The flying Dutchman himself, DJ Tiësto, returns with his fourth album to entice and entrance electro music lovers everywhere. For “Kaleidoscope”, Tiësto brought together a variety of recording artists from all around the world, such as Nelly Furtado, Tegan & Sara, Calvin Harris, Kianna, Sneaky Sound System, and more — and the former “World’s No. 1 DJ” titleholder (DJ Magazine, 2002-2004) has changed his repertoire a great deal for this album. The result? A damn good collection of trance tunes.
